All weekend I have been wondering where the hell the strong, sensible girl that I was last week got to, she seems to have up and left without giving any good reasons for doing so. Left in her wake is Cognitive restructuring Girl, who has resumed a death grip on the few things that the drunk boy said that don't quite mesh with what he is feeling, and have turned it all around and upside down to suit how I am feeling. How wise is that? To hold on to the few things that I do remember about the evening from hell and generate this theory about "what he is really feeling"(despite already knowing what is he feeling and deciding that apparently what he is feeling isn't good enough). All according to me. With NO input from him. Very smart indeed! What is almost as crazy is the fact that I already know what he is feeling and I still can't stop myself from thinking that he doesn't really know what he feels, that he is confused, and that given a certain amount of time he will come around and realize that we could have something great. Why is it that most women will go through some sort of phase like this with someone in their lives? Right off the top of my head I can think of two who are going through this same situation right now. It isn't that these two ladies are intellectually stunted, or that they don't understand how the world works; it is actually the opposite. They are smart, beautiful, and have more common sense than any other two people I know. But they, like me, are lying in bed every night wondering what it is that went so wrong that they can't have what should logically be theirs. Why can't we see what everyone else sees and realize that what we are striving for is useless? What is even stranger is that I can see through my crazy sometimes and even see that what I am doing doesn't make too much sense, but can I stop myself? Hell no. I am almost back to where I started with this boy. Back to where I am looking into every little thing for signs that I am the one who is right, and that I just scared him off with all of my crazy talk of...well let's just say craziness. When will I learn? I really want the strong, "I am too good for you" girl back, she fucking rocked.