changes

Here is an interesting story: Last week I was just sitting at my desk when the phone rang. There was a perky voice on the other end, who seemed to know me, but I had absolutely no clue who it was...I just kept answering her questions with the right answers: "HI!!!", "great!! And you?!!" "Oh....Carrie! How are you??" *thinking to myself at this point: oh shit, it's Carrie...shit, shit, shit*. For those who don't know, Carrie is the manager at my gym, the gym I tried to quit many, many moons ago. She was calling to see how I was, and why I haven't been there in ever...which is about a month in real time. See, what I was doing by not going (other than being utterly lazy) was gathering up the courage to quit the gym! Or at least make another attempt at it. And I was really close to doing it, really, really close. And then Carrie called, and now I have to stay there, because I have some sort of mental instability where I feel crazy guilt for wanting to quit a gym I hate because Carrie is just sooo nice. I feel that it would be a personal affront to her if I quit. But I am paying for a gym membership that I am not using. I often have the best intentions to go, especially when I just wake up in the morning, I say to myself that today is going to be the day, the day that I go back to the gym. But then I get to work, sit at my desk, and as the day progresses, I will find more and more excuses why I can't go to the gym. Like I have to buy catfood, or I have to run an errand before going home, or my favorite: I don't have proper gym socks. Real bullet proof excuses. For the most part, at this point I don't really have any incentives to go back...I am eating pretty much everything I want, and not gaining that much weight back....I am not feeling that drive that I first had when I was loosing weight last year....I would like it back though....anyone know where to find it??