the truth about the truth is that it hurts. I have this little problem of not being able to believe what is directly in front of me. I seem to have this innate ability to see something and turn it into something completely different in my head. Logic turned illogical, sense into nonsense, unrealistic hopes dashed. I would like to blame it on my only child status. It has led me to believe that I deserve to get whatever I want, no matter what the consequences. It causes me to not listen to my friends when they tell me the truth (as well as the little white lies for the times that the truth just can't be told). I will dig my heels in until there is no moving me from my spot until the moment when I finally realize that I was never more wrong in my life. Yes, I really have no right to write this, but I am going to, because that is me. Let people think what they will, I will learn my own lesson as I look back over this entry and will be able to smell my naivete before I even get to the end. It's hard to be in the same room as him. It's hard to talk to him like nothing happened. It's hard to be reminded everytime I see him that I am just not good enough for him. It's just hard. I left there tonight just feeling loooooooooooow. Wishing that I could change everything with the snap of my fingers. I guess this is what life is all about. You have to deal with not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, just plain ol' enough. So that is the truth: I am not enough. And surprise surprise it hurts. But I think that what I have to do is to jump off the self pity and self-denial wagon, and get myself some self respect. He doesn't deserve me. I am worth more than wallowing in the wake of the insignificant event that happened, and I need to somehow realize that. Ugggghhhh....so needed to get that off my chest.